How to tell your parents that you are gay

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You probably will not be able to answer every question, comfort every concern, resolve every worry on day one.

  • Remember, the goal is to share your news and communicate that you are telling them because you love and respect them and want to be honest.

    • Plan what you will say.

    • Sharing difficult news is challenging.

      Well, that’s where we come in.

      This post will give you a few things to keep in mind when telling your parents you’re gay and even give you 10 examples of how to tell your parents, “I’m gay”. Be sure that they know that it is not something they have done wrong and the only choice that was made was regarding your personal happiness.

      Some parents are understanding and supportive, but others may become disappointed or upset.

      Saying “I’m gay” to the world can feel like lifting a weight off your shoulders or like taking a breath of fresh air. Although most parents do not react in a negative fashion, you must be prepared for the worst-case scenario.

      I’m a lesbian. Clarifying your expectations can help you approach the discussion more realistically, giving you more capacity to handle an unexpected reaction. 

      How will my life change after I tell my parents I’m gay? 

      Anticipate the potential shifts in your life, including your relationships, after telling your mom and dad you’re gay.

      Now what? 

    Coming out is never easy, especially when it’s time to tell your parents. It might also be helpful to talk to others who have gone through the process before, so you can get some insights and possibly advice on the dos and don'ts of coming out to parents.

    If your parents ask if you are gay, that may be an appropriate time to speak to them.

    Find resources at pflag.org/find-resources.

  • PFLAG Support Groups – You can search by zip code or by State to find a PFLAG chapter near you.
  • An Allies Guide to LGBTQ Issues – This primer from HRC (Human Rights Campaign) introduces the major areas in which LGBTQ Americans face challenges, which may help parents understand how they can be supportive.
  • Resources for you
    • A Resource Guide to Coming Out – This brochure from HRC gives information on coming out and shares additional resources.
    • On HRC.org search “coming out” – This search will bring up a “guide of guides” links to information that addresses specific situations and aspects of coming out, including in varied races, cultures, identities, and religions, as well as coming out in healthcare and the workplace.
    • Should you come out to your parents – This Psychology Today article may be helpful for those undecided about coming out.
    • How to come out to your parents – This article from WikiHow gives many suggestions for coming out.
    • LGBTQIA+ Youth Resource – An extensive list of online resources LBGTQ+ to counseling, education, finding community, local organizations and more.
    • Faith & religion resources – Find resources pertaining to religions and faith groups, including coming out issues for various ethnicities.
    • Resources for LGBTQ travelers.

      But they will need good information and guidance, and you can help them find it.

      Providing resources can take many forms: a conversation, a list, a text (or several), an email, a book, a conversation with an accepting family member you trust who might talk with them. Congratulations, you did it!

      article references

    APA Reference
    Tracy, N.

    (2022, January 10). It inspires me to love myself.

     

    Zayn Malik is the hottest guy from One Direction. You are free to be yourself and love who you love, openly.

    But how do you tell your parents you’re gay? You must be patient and true to yourself above all, and things can gradually change for the better.

    Be Prepared to Answer Questions

    Before you come out to your parents, inform yourself on questions you think they might ask.

    Their reaction in this conversation will not be their final reaction, no matter how positive or negative it is. Some of the best are quite political and may not be the best first step. Whatever methods they use for other stressful situations can be a good insight to how they handle your news.

    Although you may be excited and proud of your sexuality, this may not be the case for everyone.

    how to tell your parents that you are gay

    If your parents are conservative or not accepting, we suggest you send them to the direct links below, rather than to the main websites.

    • PFLAG Resources – PFLAG.org is the largest LGBTQ advocacy group. Will you be able to support yourself if needed? You don’t need someone else’s blessing to confirm or validate your sexuality, although having support from your parents makes things much less stressful.

      If your parents are receptive, these might be good as part of a “drip” campaign — sending helpful information to them over time.

      Political Resources for Parents
      These are great resources, but the main websites are often quite political.