So of course some boys and men who have experienced unwanted or abusive sexual experiences will, at least for a while, not know them and and instead suffer the consequences of believing in harmful myths.
When societies begin to embrace these facts, and teach them to children at the earliest appropriate age, far more boys and men who’ve had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences will get the recognition and help they need.
When boys or men harmed by unwanted or abusive sexual experiences learn these facts, they will much less shame and be much more likely to seek whatever knowledge, understanding and help they need to achieve the lives they want and deserve.
When boys, men and society as a whole embrace these facts, boys and men who have been sexually used or abused will be much less likely to join the minority who end up hurting others.
When these facts are understood, that fosters another critical understanding: it was not the child’s fault.
What if I Already Have?)
Not understanding these facts is understandable, but harmful, and needs to be overcome.
These facts are not learned while growing up, and are still seldom learned by adults. It is important to understand that males can respond to sexual stimulation with an erection or even an orgasm – even in sexual situations that are traumatic or painful.
That’s just how male bodies and brains work.
The majority of boys do not go on to become sexually abusive as adolescents or adults. You liked it,” they say.
But that doesn’t make it true. Boys are not seeking to be sexually abused or exploited. (See Consequences of Abuse.)
Many boys suffer harm because adults who could believe them and help are reluctant, or refuse, to acknowledge what happened and the harm it caused.
They can, however, be manipulated into experiences they do not like, or even understand, at the time.
There are many situations where a boy, after being gradually manipulated with attention, affection and gifts, feels like he wants such attention and sexual experiences. So I’m only going to focus on the facts (which counter the myths).
Boys and men can be sexually used or abused, and it has nothing to do with how masculine they are.
Our society expects males to be able to protect themselves.
Some guys who identify as heterosexual fear that, due to their experiences as boys, they must ‘really’ be homosexual. (See a page I wrote for 1in6, Am I Going to Become Abusive? But being abused does not determine the victim’s sexual identity.
Girls and women can sexually abuse boys.
From a very early age, boys learn that any sexual experience with girls and women, especially older ones, is a good one – and evidence that he’s a ‘real man.’
Again, the confusion comes from focusing on the sexual aspect rather than the abusive aspect, that is, the exploitation and betrayal by a more powerful, trusted or admired person (who can be a child or adult).
In reality, premature, coerced or otherwise abusive or exploitive sexual experiences are never positive – whether they are imposed by an older sister, sister of a friend, baby sitter, neighbor, aunt, mother, or any other female in a position of power over a boy.
And that, of course, makes it harder to seek needed help in the midst of the abuse, or even years later when help is still needed.
Boys can be sexually abused by both straight men and gay men. Successful men are depicted as never being vulnerable, either physically or emotionally. Reportedly, they raised the kids under the guise of a happy home but, in reality, sexually abused them, recorded pedophilic pornography and offered the kids to their friends.
“These two Defendants truly created a house of horrors and put their extremely dark desires above everything and everyone else,” District Attorney Randy McGinley told WSB-TV.
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“However, the depth of the Defendants’ depravity, which is as deep as it gets, is not greater than the resolve of those that fought for justice and the strength of the victims in this case.
This is usually done from a position of authority (e.g., coach, teacher, religious leader) or status (e.g. This increases the harm, especially the shame felt by boys and men, and leads many to believe they have to ‘tough it out’ on their own. It’s still about a boy who was betrayed by someone who selfishly exploited the boy’s needs for attention and affection to use him sexually.
Sexual abuse harms boys and girls in ways that are similar and different, but equally harmful.
Most studies show that the long term effects of sexual abuse can be quite damaging for both males and females.
It’s about taking advantage of a child’s vulnerability, not the sexual orientation of the abusive person.
Whether he is gay, straight or bisexual, a boy’s sexual orientation is neither the cause or the result of sexual abuse.
Girls and women can sexually abuse boys.
Most boys who are sexually abused will not go on to sexually abuse others.
Not understanding these facts is understandable, but harmful, and needs to be overcome.
Here I present some key facts about unwanted and abusive sexual experiences of boys – and about men who had such experiences when they were boys.
Sadly, there are many myths about these experiences and those who have had them.
It’s about taking advantage of a child’s vulnerability.
Research on this question suggests that men who have sexually abused boys often identify as heterosexual and often are involved in adult heterosexual relationships at the same time. They often attempt to maintain secrecy, and to keep the abuse going, by telling the child that his sexual response shows he was a willing participant and complicit in the abuse.
The authorities reportedly found that the men were sexually abusing their adopted sons, now 12 and 10 years old.
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According to the New Year Post, Lawless once claimed that Zachary sent him multiple messages on Snapchat about him going to rape his son.
The sexual orientation of the abusive person is not particularly relevant to the abusive interaction. However, boys and men often don’t recognize the connections between what happened and their later problems.
And even those who do perpetrate as teenagers, if they get help when they’re young, usually don’t abuse children when they become adults. There is no good evidence that someone can ‘make’ another person be homosexual or heterosexual.